My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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