I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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