How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize