Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
