i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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