I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
