His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize