Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
