It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
worst night to have a conscience
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
