I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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