yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
