theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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