So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
