You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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