But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
