Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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