you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
