Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
