im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
