I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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