Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
