the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
