I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
