I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
