oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
