is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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