I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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