if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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