There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am mentally ready for anal.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
