omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
