can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
