thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
