I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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