yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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