So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize