You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
