i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
