Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I understand Curling. That high.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
