if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
