I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
