he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Farmville is her only friend.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
