I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
