My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize