his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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