i just had sex bonerless
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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