oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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