First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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