Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
