haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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