Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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