I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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