sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize