Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
