I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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