Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize