she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
