wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
