So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
