I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There was a lot of him and a little penis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
