You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
