another moral hangover. fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
