He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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