I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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