Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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