I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's Friday. Sex?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We smell like vodka and hangover
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