when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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