I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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