I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
