but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
