Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize