that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize