dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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