yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
