Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
