Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
