They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
