I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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