why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
