I just gift wrapped bread.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
