My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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