dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
