didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
