I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Will exercising make me less horny?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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