I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
