Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
