so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize