I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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