i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
