OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize