Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
