He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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