I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
