Sacagawea was the original milf.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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