be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize