the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
