i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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