perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
