I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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