So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
