You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
