Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he puts the penis in happiness.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize