saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize