You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
