just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
