My hair reeks of homosexuality.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
