She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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