we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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