i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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